Being that parent....*language*

Often when you're in a blended family you find that the "residential parent" aka the person who does EVERYTHING...is the bad guy. The person that when they bend over backwards, it gets overlooked.

SO MUCH I hear..."Oh honey, just wait until their older, they'll know who was there for them and who wasn't.

But while we are getting beat down and ridiculed by our ex husband/wife for being such a bitch/asshole or them making up some stupid ass story they made up in their mind....I'm doing the job of two parents that do not give a flying fiddle about anything but their visiting hours and child support.

I don't ever want to bitch about child support because I think it's tacky and I think it makes us look like money hungry jerk offs. But seriously, I'm not a money hungry jerk off. The majority of my income goes on my children. Except for today, the 145.00 I spent on my sons for some of their birthday presents at ShopKo, I bought myself some contour....

Tonight I felt like a worthless Mother. Tonight I felt like I couldn't do a freaking thing right. My eldest son threw the biggest fit in the world because his former Step Father who he has not had a close relationship with for two years...(another story, another blog).....Took his twin brother/sister to Chuck-E-Cheese. Alexander almost being 12 I would think wouldn't give a rats ass, but apparently does. MIND YOU....My husband an
d I took the kids to Pizza hut and ALSO I had just bought the shit to make 42 cookies for the Valentines Day dance tomorrow for his JR. High dance.

But low and behold he acts like super brat complaining about how he thinks it's shit he doesn't get to do the fun things Miley and Aiden get to do.

Let me break it down for you without trying to look like a money hungry jerk.

1) Our entire tax refund went twords helping pay off credit card bills to help pay for the six months of not recieving child support from my ex husband from 2014-2015 years of him not paying child support. While he just spoils the kids with random shit in the month of February and nothing else through the year. Or the fact we NEVER get anything worth a shit from any parents through out the year even if we ask. It's all about them. We can't afford it. We're going to lose our home. But there's no problem with going out to eat, or to a bar, or anything. But Apparently, I'm not supposed to complain about these things because it makes the other parents get their poor feelings hurt because I'm talking shit about them. The sad fact is, the people that show our ex's my status or my blogs are people that know that I'm right. But they feel this sense of....Satisfaction...They've talked so much shit about their family members it's unreal. But to show that they're not the fake pieces of shit they are....They run to that family member and say.."LOOK AT WHAT NIKKI SAID TODAY."

((((NEWSFLASH)))) I WOULD SAY THIS AND HAVE SAID THIS TO THEIR FACES. THEY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR SHORTCOMINGS...THEY KNOW ABOUT THEIR SHORTCOMINGS...NUMBER ONE THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME OF THEM AND NUMBER TWO THEY PROBABLY REALLY JUST CAN'T HELP IT....So, instead of being a gossping dick head, just read my shit and move on with your miserable boring lives and leave your siblings, friend, niece, daughter, son....ALONE------This is MY rant and MY rant wont change how things are. In other words, Fuck off and leave me and your family member or friend alone. NOTHING will change. I will still be the backbone of these childrens lives and that WILL NOT change.

2) My eldest son is an ungrateful butthole and I am sick and tired of him asking for money and him thinking that he is entitled to said money.

I don't even know where I'm going with this one now. Im just done. I'm so done. So done.

Time...Where have you gone?

Not many people blog anymore...At least I don't think.

I live under a rock when it comes to what people do or don't do. So if this isn't a thing anymore at least it's something that I can let my thoughts out. 

I've been so consumed with my life for so long that I don't even take the time sometimes to let my brain talk about what I want to talk about. 

I have some of the very best supporters in my life. Number one is my Husband....He pretty much rocks at keeping me on my toes I wouldn't be able to get through life without him.... Secondly my friend Rob. I've known him since I was really young and we recently (about 4 months ago) started to talk and share stories, thoughts, and he really had been my rock. 

I have to tell you that I'm having a hard time with my eldest son turning 12 next week. Seriously.....Twelve...The preteen age....The age before the dooms day age. I've never felt so old. The fact is, I'm not old....I am going to 28 shortly after my dear son Alexander turns 12. I knew the day would come when I was older that I would feel so uncomfortable with having an older son. That day is now. Even some of his friends saw that he was messaging me on his cellphone (facebook messanger which I am always stalking) and asked if I was his GIRLFRIEND. What?! Apparently they thought I was a high school girl that he was dating. I was kind of flattered and kind of like..Uh..NO.

Then we move onto the fact that Gavin my very last born ever ever will be five nex week and then Dylan will be seven. I keep thinking about when I found out I was pregnant with Gavin and then when he was born having my tubes tied, knowing he would be my last. Then I keep thinking about Dylan being born, holding his little self, then my husband taking care of him all on his own at 9 months old and me helping....

Time is going by way too fast. My brother is 18 ready to turn 19, my sister Alyssa just turned 20, and my littlest sister turned 16. Time...Time.....Where have you gone? 

That's all I've got.

xxxo

Nik